I am a dynamic figure, often seen at the Circulation Desk of our local public library. I do the weekend book drop without being asked and have been known to discharge upwards of 100 books in one half hour. I don’t take my complete, state mandated breaks, but prefer to help readers with their pressing reference questions. I am a concrete thinker, an eternal optimist and circ clerks worldwide swoon over my deft ability with even the most difficult patrons. I don’t perspire. I once read “Sentimental Education,” “Moby Dick” and “Ulysses” in one day and still had time to invent a new cataloging scheme that was as comprehensive as LCSH, yet as logical and easy to grasp as Dewey. Since during my formative years, I had difficulty learning to read, I take special care with those who may have trouble. I tutor. I have been to the Library of Congress and been moved to tears.

I collect fines. I have patented a process that converts old cataloging cards into food and can be used to solve the problem of world hunger. I don’t sleep much and when I do, I sleep in a chair. I am never bored because I read, read, read and I would like others to enjoy it as much as I do. I am known to many an account rep. at Brodart but I don’t waste money. I can live on a hope and a prayer. I have been caller number five and have won weekend passes which I gave away to someone. I have helped build libraries in small, farway corners of the world. I have a need to know.

I can reshelve 20 books in less than 3 minutes. The laws of physics don’t apply to me. I know how to conduct an effective reference interview, never being overbearing but always trying to listen actively. I get results. I give librarians a good name. Small children trust me. I can catalog anything, given the opportunity, and I enjoy working with people who may not have all the privileges that I have had.

I run, I walk, I climb mountains and all my bills are paid. I believe that reading will set you free. I have spoken to Seymour Lubetsky from his grave and he has told me that I have the calling. I believe that librarians CAN and DO make a difference.

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